First day of school.

Master Joe recently turned five and today is his first day of school.
Are you excited Joe?... "No" Are you scared Joe?.... "No" What are you? ..."Nothing...I'm just gonna go to school".
That's my boy, take it as it comes ready for any thing!

I couldn't stick around for long as little Zak-Zak was in no mood for it, tired and grumpy, so I bolted during assembly. I left as they were singing their songs to Jesus.
I believe I send my kids to the best Christian School around. I can't say enough about the place. My children are encouraged in the their little spiritual lives to pray and remember little memory verses from the bible. They are taught about a real God who loves their little lives and that they can live big lives now and in the future. The teachers genuinely care about them and pray for them and the school before school starts. Of course they learn to read and write stuff too!, with a great academic achievement level due to the small classes.
I drop my kids off knowing that they are in the best place, and that makes my happy as. Sure it costs more but in the long run I will hopefully reap the benefits of great teenagers and no trips to the shrinks!

Time now to catch up on some lunch dates and start some preschool activities with the baby. Two kids Down, One to go!

Jacksta B's guide to.... training your "baby daddy"

Jacksta B’s Guide to training your Baby Daddy.

You may be pregnant with your first baby, filled with anticipation of seeing and meeting your new bundle of joy. What will he/ she look like? Will the birth go according to plan? How will I get the hang of breastfeeding? What kind of mum will I be? These are all valid questions but one of the most important questions to ask yourself is… will my “Baby Daddy” (father of the baby) cope!

Feel free to disagree, but I feel that in most mothers there is an inbuilt mothering instinct. We carry our precious offspring around for 9 months and after we give birth that bond just seems to be established much more definitely than for the daddy.

I have a fantastic husband, and he is a great father to our kids so I thought I would share some ideas to get that baby daddy in your life primed and ready to go with the huge life change that is about to happen in both of your lives.

1) Encourage Baby Daddy to attend as many appointments during the pregnancy as possible. We were really blessed in our first pregnancy that we both worked shift work. So I would try and pick times for our appointments when we were both free so we could both hear that precious heartbeat together. If he can’t attend them all I would recommend the minimum to be the ultrasound. There is something special about seeing the intricate details of your baby’s anatomy together that makes it so real and exciting.

2) Make your birth partner your Baby Daddy. Give him and only him this task. Some mums do themselves a disservice by picking their mums or best friends over their own baby daddy to be their birth partner. Why? You are pretty much saying from the outset that you don’t trust them to be there for you at the biggest event of your lives. It sets a precedent for the rest of the time devaluing his input as a dad. He should be in awe of what you go through during labour, because it is amazing and amazingly painful! This alone will always be great leverage for a multitude of future squabbles.

3) Give Baby Daddy dibs on the first bath. The sooner he gets used to handling your new baby, the sooner he gains that valuable confidence. Many dads are afraid they are going to break them or drop them somehow, so encouraging him to “get in there” really helps. I would recommend getting him to do it regularly. Make sure baby is well fed and in a happy mood. Set the bath up and clothes to change into and let baby and baby daddy bond in a nice relaxed way.

4) Don’t criticize the way he does stuff. There is nothing a baby daddy hates more than hearing… "you are doing it all wrong!”, pretty soon he will give up, thinking well I can’t do it right so I won’t do it at all. Not good for his self esteem and not good for you because you’ll have to do it all yourself. Try encouraging him instead. Even if he puts the size 2 jump suit on your 6 month old baby; and backwards to boot. When he uses 20 baby wipes to clean up smelly number two’s, praise him for a clean, clean baby. Eventually we all become more adept at these all too familiar tasks and pretty soon he’ll be showing you how he can clean the worst baby explosion with a single wipe! Men are competitive…and thrive on encouragement and challenges.

5) Let your Baby Daddy feed the baby at times, either expressed milk in a bottle or formula if that’s what you do – they secretly enjoy snuggling up with a content child. It sure beats being constantly being handed a screaming baby to try and soothe when you’ve reached the end of your tether.

6) Make sure Baby Daddy has a little time out of his own. He will soon become resentful of the fact that his day is working and then coming home to family to do more “ work”. Encourage him to have some time out doing some exercise or pursuing a hobby or familiar interest. He will be happier for it.

7) Chuck Baby Daddy in the deep end from time to time. Sometimes you just have to leave him to it, give him all the things he needs for a couple of hours and head out for a little a time out of your own. He may surprise you and himself. Let him know that you need some time out too.

8) Make sure Baby Daddy still feels loved and appreciated. In those first months you may feel like you have nothing left to give when you are giving it all to the little one. He can feel a little left out when your focus is not on him, so a little hand squeeze or a thank you lets baby daddy know that you still love and appreciate him.

9) Baby Daddy loves to show off his precious offspring in public. Let him do the honours of pushing the pram or carrying them to see friends and work mates to ooh and ahh over. He’ll love it. If you need to rescue your child from an obviously struggling baby daddy, do so discreetly and with a ‘thanks for giving it a go’ attitude. Never Ever undermine his parenting in public. Baby daddy’s confidence will disintegrate before your eyes.

10) Let your Baby Daddy be the dad. Our job is to nurture, organize routines, and make sure they are eating healthy… etc… all the boring mushy stuff. Dads just want to get in there with a bit of throwing in the air, rough and tumble play, and kick a ball around. Just let him get in there and do it. Of course he might need reminding that the 3 monther might not appreciate his first fishing trip yet… and that he might like to wait a little longer to take him paint balling, but when the times right, just let him do what he know best, which is to be the dad.

There you have it, my top 10 tips on how to train your baby daddy. Don't forget parenting is a learning process for both you.

Thanks to my Baby Daddy, my consultant on these tips. All the best on your parenting journey ahead.

Jacksta B

Things Im loving....

Here are a few other things Im loving this week...linking in with Paisley Jades Friday regular

Well I have had a busy week...Saturday- Triathlon in Auckland, Monday-my 30th Birthday, Tuesday- Bloggy meet up, Thursday- Joes Birthday, Today I have a few things to do and Tomorrow we do a Maccas party for Joe with his little mates. I need to make a cake tonight..I will attempt a volcano...if it bombs I know where the Cheesecake shop is ;)
And in amongst this my washing machine broke down. Not good for this family of five! I visited the laundromat for the first time ever..thankfully they do a drop off service for a couple of bucks extra. I feel so New York!
Phew! Maybe the school holidays from next week is just what we all need!

Here are a few things that I AM loving!
I bought myself another tooth....that will be four baby teeth down! This last one really bugged me before it came out. It was on a funny "Nanny McFee" type angle and was taking forever to wiggle out. Fortunately her Bestie accidentally bumped it out during a Maori action song..I couldn't help but laugh.
Loving our new trampoline mat. We bought our trampoline off Trademe, quite a few years ago and the mat was pretty worn way back then. It was definitely time for a new one. We found this site online,Apex Trampoline Mats and nice older couple who have set up their business on their property in North Shore. Highly recommend them for great price and service.
Loving that my thoughtful friends "shipped" this baby all the way up from Kaikoura, the crayfish capital of NZ. I added a little garlic butter, chili, and parsley and warmed it in the oven until done. And ate it all up myself! Hubby has developed an allergy to them...Ah well..more for me!


And loving our trip to Auckland last weekend. We played spot the famous person! I spotted Former Prime Minister of NZ Jenny Shipley at a cafe. I was trying really hard to a secretly paparazzi her...I think she might have been on to us!
We also saw one of the NZ Masterchef 2010 contestants at a Tepanyaki resturant and Jeremy Corbett at my triathlon. And a couple of Maori TV presenters. What a couple of country yokels excited about NZ "celebrities"

Happy Birthday Joe!

My Joe is five today...can someone please tell me how this....


turned into this...

He was born Good Friday 2006. He "whooshed" into the world at the crack of dawn and changed our lives forever. And by "whooshed"...I now understand how some people have their babies on the side of the road...or in taxis on the way...because in some labours, once the pushing stage is "on" its over in a matter of a couple pushes. It went this way for us that time. We had him at the hospital and walked home a couple of hours later...We lived pretty close to the hospital!

This guy keeps me on my toes. He lives life on fast forward...a lot like his entry into the world. Forever bumping into things and man can he cry when he gets hurt. He has my laugh...loud and proud. He is an amazing imitator and is funny like his dadda. He appears to be showing some good leadership skills and is very social. After years of jumping on the trampoline he seem to be developing quite a bit agility.
He is so looking forward to school. There is only one more day to go before the school ends for the term, so he's just going to start on day 1 of term 2...Im sure he'll be fine without any school visits! He'll fit right in...here's hoping!

Happy Birthday Little Man.

I'm off to cook the special birthday dinner. He wants Chicken Curry with roti...roti?! Hate rolling out roti!

Trying out the new trampoline mat. Thanks Grandma and Poppa

Undivided attention

French doors wide open
We perch ourselves in the sunniest spot
Taking in the Autumn sun
TV off, no computer screen catching my attention
No book or magazine or newspaper before my eyes
Nothing but you and me
I give you my undivided attention

No older sister or brother
poking their noses in.
Just you on your lonesome
Like a first born, I marvel at you
Your inquisitiveness, your movements,
How wonderful and fearfully created you are.

How blessed I am, I wonder in amazement
Dishes forgotten, washing left untouched,
Floors left dusty.
Captivated by you instead
All because on this sunny Autumn day
I chose to give you my undivided attention instead.




Whoop whoop...the chicken pox are clearing. Thanks for the love and concern on this post. Bubbas been a real trooper...and we are slowly coming out of quarantine... xx

I'm all spotty too

My name is Zak-zak and I'm all spotty. My brother and sister had chicken pox last week and now they have passed it on to me. I don't think it is a very nice present! Today I'm all miserable and don't know what to do with myself. I can't wait for these silly spots to go away.

Mummy Judging *tisk, tisk*

I have a confession... I have been guilty of Mummy judging this week. I don't know why we do it. A simple coffee with other mums starts out all innocent and nice and then out come the comments..."Her kids aren't sleeping through the night?!"...."I saw a mum give a baby some coke!"..."She still breastfeeds her 4 year old!"...
We all HATE being in the receiving end of mummy judging and we all want to do some face punching when someone questions our parenting choices, but we readily talk about others behind their backs.

I have to admit after three kids my judgments of other mums is on a rapid decline. I no longer hold on to the ideologies I once had when I was pre-children or even after the firstborn. My first born didn't have her first lollipop until she was two, of course the second born was no where near that old. Because after three children you realise you cant sweat the small stuff. You realise well into this parenting lark that its survival mode. Its a tough job...they wear you down to an emotionally spent wreck, you get 8 hours to sleep it off (uninterrupted if you are lucky!) and then you start the day again. You do the best you can with the time that you have.

I have decided that kids are a resilient bunch. They can make it through childhood with the most limited of resources. Kids in third world countries are making into adulthood everyday. I know of kids from the early 70's who survived drinking straight cows milk from birth, because they hadn't invented formula yet. And if cows milk wasn't tolerated the second choice was tinned evaporated milk! They seemed to make it to adulthood. This makes me feel that my parenting choices ("Shall I buy fresh salmon for healthy brain development for tea tonight?") on the grand scale of things is not so bad. Of course all children need to have all the essentials of a safe, loving environment with boundaries and nourishment!

Bottle or breast, to immunize or not to, attachment parenting or detachment parenting, disposable nappies or cloth; and that's just in the first few months of the kids life! All very important choices that each parent must decide on their own for their own reasons. So I have a challenge...for you and for me...how about we stop judging each other. We all do the same difficult job...some of us just do it differently.

Jacksta B's guide to....fitting in at coffee groups.

I've just returned from a morning at my local Mums group. I always leave encouraged and inspired for another week ahead of the relentlessly tiresome job of mothering. But it hasn't always been this way. When I first became a mummy 7 years ago, breaking in to the coffee group scene was tricky! At the time I didn't have any friends who were pregnant with me. I was in paid employment before but had decided to take the full year off maternity leave thereby leaving the workplace social interaction. With most of my friends unmarried, childfree and carefree it meant I had to find some other mums for company. Enter the big wide world of mums groups. So after 7 years experience of mums/coffee groups I thought I might give a New Mums Guide to fitting in at Coffee groups.

1) Try and find one person you know and go to a group together. At least you will both be in the same boat and can hang together while you make new friends.

2) Smile and be friendly. I know it sounds obvious, but go with the intention of making new friends. No one is likely to approach you if you have "do not disturb" written all over your face. And like wise don't be afraid to approach someone new. You already have one thing in common, you are all mums! Things like "how old is your little one?" or "Whats her name?" are always good starts to conversation.

3) Practice the art of empathy. If a mum says to you "Man! I have been up 3 times last night with little Jonny" Instead of saying "What! he doesn't sleep through the night yet?!" Something more along the lines of "Wow that must be so tough for you". At the end of the day we all just want to be listened to.

4)Try not to think of them as "clicky" groups. It is hard when you go to a group that feels "clicky". Understand that people have already established relationships before the day you arrive. So it is natural for them to talk to each other like they already know each other, because they do. Its just a natural social interaction. Just try and find one person from the group, establish a friendship with them first and they might fill you in on everyone else so you can fit in a bit more next time.

5) Its not a competition. Sometimes you come across other mums who feel the need to use their children as a props to their ego. Children shouldn't be used for this! You are always going to find someone elses child crawled early, walked early, slept through the night early. Each child grows and develops at their own pace. If you come across someone like this who wants you to know there little Jonny is the bee knees, just nod and smile.

6) Try and find something else in common with each other, other than your kids. Crafts, work projects, where you are from, what brand of coffee you like....anything! Our lives are not all kids and neither should our conversation be. Its easier to connect with someone when you have at least one other thing in common.

7) If at first you don't succeed try again. If coffee groups don't work for you try a preschool activity like Mainly music or swimming lessons. This way you are doing an activity together and can have coffee later to continue the conversation. If you find it hard to fit in at one group or it really isn't working for you try a new one.

Being a new mother can be isolating enough without staying home all day and watching daytime TV. So get out there and use this opportunity to make new friends. It will enrich your life and and your child's life too!

In the still Quiet of the night

Little man you are so wriggly
Constantly on the move
Once so little and so fragile
now I can hardly keep up
Will you still need me soon
Or will I be just a distant memory
As you navigate this big wide world

Ah, but I have found your quiet time
The time when you are still
Deep in the land of dreams
I creep quietly into your room
carefully envelop you in my arms
And hold you
Just hold you
Smell your lovely milky breath
Stroke your soft blond hair
kiss you gently
Savouring this time of innocence
This time when I am your nourisher,
your provider,
your keeper

You may not remember
when you are all grown up
and in this big wide world
But I will remember
I will remember the time
When I held you in my arms
In the still quiet of the night.

*Jacksta*


This song plays in my head when I do this with my son.



"Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him." Psalms 62:4

Yesereee, its back to school for thee

As much as the holidays have been great, I sure am thankful for school and kindy! I think I was more excited than the kids this year. I durasealed Miss 7's books with care a week ago, a cool bright pink design with "rock chick" on it. Yes I love duraseal...have done since I discovered it as an 8 year old. Master 4 has one more term at morning kindy before he starts school, so while the stationary was on special I bought his lot too. I'll save the durasealling fun for later in the term!
But the most exciting thing for us is our school has finished its major redevelopments and the classes are all newly refurbished with new technology and fittings. A long haul project that I'm so grateful for.

Since the kids are so eager to get to school and kindy this week mornings have been running fairly smooth. I introduced this chart last year because I was so frustrated about them mucking around. It lives on my fridge so when I can see them fighting or a bit lost I say "What do you need to do next?...have a look on the chart". It leaves me time to enjoy a bit of coffee watching the morning news in peace.
Miraculously this week the baby has slipped into a good routine, going straight to sleep when put down...amazing what a bit of peace and quiet can do for a little fella!


Master 4 was super stoked with his painting at Kindy today. He is more of an outside play on the jungle gyms kinda guy, so I was quite surprised at this little piece. There's only so much paint smeared paper and wood work projects you can keep around. This one is a keeper.

Hope you gals with school kids are enjoying a bit of time to your self
xx

When the kids are 18 and leave home...then life will be a little easier

Bubba (7 months) is at the learning to sit up stage. Pillows surround him, toys are arranged directly in front of him but his inquisitive mind wants the one just out of reach. Reaching, reaching, reaching...whoops overbalanced AGAIN and mumma has to come and rescue him, because he wants to sit up again...Waaaaaaa

Today I found myself thinking...when the baby can sit up and play by himself, life might be a little easier. Then I thought of all the "when thes" I often allow my mind to think.

When the baby sleeps through the night...life might be a little easier... When the kids are at school...life might be a little easier... When the kids are 18 and leave home...then life will be a little easier

When do the "when such-and-such happens, then I'll be happy" end?

I attend a Mums group with our local church and we often invite mums with older children to share something with us. An overwhelming number of them ALWAYS say..."I know these years with little ones are tough...but try and enjoy them anyway. Because before you know it they are grown up and leaving home!" A reminder I don't mind hearing every fortnight! Because I forget, all too easy I forget.
I want to enjoy every age and stage and not wish my life would fast forward to the parts that will only make me happy.

I watched the movie "Click" last week, which is probably why this is on my mind. Take out Adam Sandlers usual crass humour and the end message is really quite a good one.
We all need reminding that we should enjoy today.

New era...

This year Miss 6 (almost 7) has hit a new era in her social life...attending birthday parties...alone.
I love watching her becoming more independent however I struggle letting her fly out of the nest. As a super protective mum there are few people I trust with my babies, but I'm learning I can't be there holding her hand for everything.
Slowly I am working towards letting her walk to school one day. The fact that I have completely scared her into ever going out the gates alone, may take some undoing. Considering our own upbringing it just seems so ridiculous that we have to worry so much about a kid walking to school!
So this week instead of dropping her off right inside the school premises I parked up about 50 meters away. She was quite afraid. We live in the city and traffic is a bit manic down this particular stretch...but I assured her she could do it. She reluctantly got out of the car and she walked off. I really wanted to stay and watch her make it right into school, but I left her to it and got on with dropping master 4 off at kindy. Later when I picked her up the first thing she said was can I do again tomorrow. Today I let her cross a road and then up the hill to the school gates.
Little by little this helicopter parent might just stop hovering and just let this little girl get on with it.